Cricket: “You’re home! You’re home! Watch me run around the table! I can go really fast! I’ve been practicing all day!” She was skittering around the table in what passed more as sliding than running. Along the way, she encountered her bone, which she snagged and brought to the gate for greetings. “Look what I found! Bone! Don’t you just love Bone! It is the awesomest thing! See how awesome it is!”
Me, reaching over the gate to pet her, “Hi, Cricket. What a lovely Bone. Were you a good girl today?”
Cricket: “Look, look, I can run around the table while carrying Bone! Aren’t you impressed! I’ve been practicing that, too! So far, my record is 10 runs around the table carrying Bone. Ready? Watch! Watch!”
Me, watching Cricket run around and around carrying Bone, “That’s very nice, but don’t you think we should go outside so you can potty?”
Cricket: “You aren’t watching!!!!! I’ll do it again! This is the 3rd time around, and I’m still carrying Bone. I’m so proud of myself.”
Me: “Cricket. Cricket, come on, we need to go out now.”
Cricket: Continues running around the table
Me, trying to avoid being knocked over as Cricket spins in circles on my feet, “Really, Cricket, let’s calm down a little bit so we can put on your collar and go out.”
Cricket, wailing, “You distracted me! I was all the way up to nine times around the table carrying Bone, and now you distracted me and I’ll have to start all over again!!!!!” She begins circling the table again. “One. Two. Three.”
Me: “Cricket, seriously, come over here right now. Bone doesn’t need to go out, so please put it down.”
Cricket: “I just realized, I don’t know which direction I was going. Do you remember which direction I was going before? I have to go in the right direction, or it won’t count as a record! Now I’m going to have to set a record in each direction!”
Me: “Cricket. Sit. Now.”
Cricket: “Five. Six. Seven.
Me: “Cricket!”
Cricket: “Ten, Eleven, Twelve. There, I did it! Twelve times around carrying Bone. I bet I can do it Thirteen. WooHoo! Thirteen. And here comes fourteen! Can you believe how awesomely amazing I am?! Fifteen times around the table carrying Bone! I bet nodog else could do that.”
Me: “Cricket, if you don’t get over here right now…..”
Cricket, happily trotting over to me, “Hey, are we going out now! That’s awesome, I can’t wait to go out! I love going out! Bone will love going out, too! Outside is super fun!”
Me: “Cricket, you need to let go of bone. I can’t put your collar over your head with bone in your mouth.”
Cricket, letting go of bone, and then snatching it back and escaping, “Wait a minute! I didn’t finish carrying Bone around the table! You distracted me! I have to go in the other direction now! Two. Three. Four.”
Me: “Cricket, I swear, if you do not get over here right now I’m going to have Cricket Stew for supper!”
Cricket: “Oh goody, you’re going to play chase with me! I love chase, it’s my favoritest game ever!!!! Bet you can’t catch me! Neener, neener, neener. Check out my evasive maneuvers, I’ve got Olympic Quality performance right here!”
Me: “CRICKET T DOG! GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW.”
Cricket: “Hey, did you say you’re going out?! That’s awesome! Out is amazing! Can I go with you? Please, please, please! I love going out!”
Me: “Cricket, we just discussed this, you have to give me bone before I can put your collar on.”
Cricket: “Hey. Wait a minute. I have to put Bone down before you can put that thing over my head. Sheesh.” Drops bone on my foot, then sits patiently for me to put on her collar and leash.
Me: “Ok, Cricket, outside.”
——————————————
Fifteen minutes later, we come back inside.
Cricket: “Oh My Goodness!!!! Look what I found!!!! Bone!!! It’s Bone!! Sitting right here waiting for me!! I love Bone! Bone is the awesomest thing ever!!!!!!!” She grabs bone and starts running around the table again. “Two. Three. Four. Hey, I bet I could set a record doing this! How many times do you think I can run around the table carrying Bone?! Think I can do it six times! WooHoo! I just did, that’s six! What about seven, can I do seven? Yes, I can! Because I’m awesome! And there’s eight! nine! ten! Eleven! Are you seeing this?! You’re looking at pure amazingness right here.”
Me: “Cricket, it’s supper time. How about I put some kibble in your bowl and you eat supper?”
Cricket: “Busy. Busy, busy, busy. Gotta carry Bone. Gotta carry Bone. Gotta carry Bone. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. I’m setting records here. Don’t distract me.
Me, sighing, “I give up, Cricket, have fun with bone.”
———————————-
Fifteen minutes later as I sit down to eat my supper.
Cricket, wailing, “Food! Where’s my food! I’m starving to death, and you’re just sitting there ignoring me! Worse than ignoring me, you’re eating right in front of me!”
Me: “You know you’re not allowed to beg or harass me while I’m eating. Please go lie down.”
Cricket, running into the kitchen to find her bowl, “It’s empty! Emmmmpppppttttyyyy!!!! I’ll starve! You have to feed me! You can’t not feed me! I can’t handle this!” Picks up her bowl and drops it, to get my attention.
Me: “Cricket, please don’t throw your bowl. I’ll feed you when I’m done eating.”
Cricket, picking up her bowl and carrying it into the dining room, “Do you see my bowl?! Do you? It’s empty! Can you see how empty it is! Empty is when I pick it up, and no kibbles fall out of it. Empty! Empty! Empty! I need kibbles in my bowl or I will die!!!!!”
Me: “Cricket, that’s enough. Hush and lie down, please.”
Cricket: “HOLY MOLY! I found Bone! I’ve been looking for Bone all day, and I finally found it!!!! This is wonderful!” She picks up bone and starts trotting around the table. “Look at me, running around the table carrying Bone! I wonder if I can go around ten times? Do you think there is a record for how many times a dog carries Bone around the table? Do you? I’m going to beat that record. Five. Six. Seven.”
Me: “Cricket, I’m done eating now, do you want your supper?”
Cricket: “Twenty-five. Twenty-six. Twenty-seven.”
Me: “Cricket. Puppy, puppy, puppy. Supper time. Kibbles. Cookies. Nummies. Come eat.
Cricket: “Thirty-two! Thirty-three! Thirty-four!”
Me, getting the cat food out of the cupboard. “Chloe! Charlie! Ciara! Kitty, kitty, kittens! Supper time!”
Cricket, sounding horrified, “You’re feeding the cats?!?! The cats?! I’m starving to death, and you’re feeding the cats! Have you no decency?!
Me: “Cricket, your kibble is in your bowl in the kitchen.”
Cricket, wandering into the kitchen, “Whoa! Super awesomeness! Check this out, there is kibble in my bowl! Someone put kibble in my bowl! I’m saved!!! I won’t starve to death! Kibble!!!!”
Me: “That’s a good girl, Cricket, eat your supper.”
Cricket, abandoning her bowl full of kibble, “Where’s Bone?! I lost Bone! I can’t believe it happened again! I couldn’t find Bone all day, and now it’s missing again!”
Me, sighing deeply, “Oh, Cricket. You are a genius.”``
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